Paragraph Revision Workshop

Today, you can "share" your paragraph with another classmate, and he or she will share a paragraph with you. This sharing will happen through your Google Drive, so you will need to follow my directions to set up sharing.

First, click here to see sharing addresses.

You should see your name on the list. You should share your document with one other person on the list. To do so, open your paragraph document and click the blue "share" button in the upper right corner. When the window opens, you will be able to paste a Gmail address into the "Invite People" box. Copy and paste the email address of the classmate sitting across from you into that box. Then, out to the side, click on the box that says "Can edit" and choose "Can comment." Then "save" and "done."

You can see the paragraph shared with you by clicking on the "shared with me" link in the left column. Open the paragraph shared with you and read it from beginning to end. Talk to each other and make sure that the paragraphs were shared successfully.

Today, we are concerned about the parts of a paragraph. So before you look at the specifics, you need to comment on the overall structure your classmate's paragraph. To comment, highlight some text by clicking and dragging and then right-click on the highlighted part and select "Comment"--you can type your suggestion in the box that appears. Follow my lead--I will ask you to comment on whether all the parts of the paragraph are present or missing:

1. Topic sentence
2. Supporting details and examples
3. Closing statement

Next, I want you to look at each part individually. First, the topic sentence of your classmate's paragraph should have three qualities:

• Specific: It should be about ONE idea
• Focused: It should mention a single task
• Logical: It should mention HOW that single task can help ease the burden of your stressful situation

On your classmate's paragraph, comment on which qualities his or her topic sentence HAS from the list above.

Next, scan the supporting details and examples for OFF-TOPIC statements and comment on them, one at a time. If you are not sure whether a particular detail is off-topic, you can raise your hand. In your comments, you should also suggest some details that are missing that might help your classmate improve his or her paragraph.

Last, make sure the closing statement does not repeat the topic sentence. If it does, comment with a warning on your classmate's closing statement.

If there is time at the end, look at your own paragraph again and begin revising it.

Paragraph Evaluation

For this workshop, I want you to work in pairs or in groups of 3. Gather around one computer and let a good note taker type your group's ideas. That student will go to this document in our English 0099 Course Documents. Once you are in the document, go to "File" and make a copy. Then, as a group, follow the steps in the new copy.

Editing Guide

Fixing the Text

1. Circle all instances of “you,” “your,” “yours,” “yourself,” etc. Delete them.
2. Circle all subjects; put a box around all verbs; check for agreement and tense errors.
3. Check that all of your pronouns agree in number with the nouns they represent.
   And be sure the pronoun cannot possibly represent two different nouns.
4. and, but, or, nor, for, yet, so: use commas with coordinating conjunctions (SV, and SV.)
   • The oak tree in the front yard fell on the roof, so we will have to move.
   • Gulliver set his alarm for 6:00 AM, yet he still managed to get stuck in traffic.
5. however, therefore, instead (vs.) although, because, whereas
   • The oak tree in the front yard fell on the roof; therefore, we will have to move.
   • Because the oak tree in the front yard fell on the roof, we will have to move.
   • Gulliver set his alarm for 6:00 AM; nevertheless, he managed to get stuck in traffic.
   • Although Gulliver set his alarm for 6:00 AM, he still managed to get stuck in traffic.
6. introductory clauses and phrases (comma before the subject) (intro, SV.)
   • With no roof to keep the rain out, our house needs serious repair.
   • Whereas GSC offers a personal environment, UGA is more socially challenging.

Errors to avoid

1. Any form of the lazy cliche “As I said before” or “In summary” or “In conclusion”
2. “This” and “that” used by itself as a pronoun (especially as a subject)
   • This shows that I needed to sleep more often.
   • That was the worst day of my high school career.
   • Mr. Clark proved this to me in sixth grade.
   • I believed that for a long time.
3. “it” used as a subject
   • Confusing: It is scary to walk in the dark.
   • Clear: Walking in the dark frightens me.
4. “By doing this . . . it will improve”
   • Confusing: By Mr. Horton reviewing my outline, it will help me improve my paper.
   • Clear: By reviewing my outline, Mr. Horton will help me improve my paper.
5. dangling modifiers
   • Confusing: As a GSC college student, textbooks are expensive.
   • Clear: As a GSC college student, I spend a lot of money on textbooks.

MLA Formatting

1. Use 1” margins
2. Use 12 pt. Times New Roman font
3. Double-space the text
4. Put last name and page number in upper right header.
5. Use four-line heading on first page
6. Leave out extra spaces between paragraphs or around title

Revision Guide

Double-Check the Content

(Make sure you have written sentences that correspond to each section of your outline)

1. Beginning
   • Reach out to your audience (engaging detail)
   • Prepare your audience (relevant background)
   • Preview your argument (interrelated stages)
   • Thesis statement (claim and reason)
2. Middle (look at each paragraph)
   • Topic sentence (main idea of paragraph)
   • Supporting details (concrete evidence)
   • Closing statement (demonstrate proof)
3. Ending
   • Explain importance (why thesis matters)
   • New information (extend the discussion)
   • Final comments (satisfy the reader)

Double-Check the Organization

1. Put a * by your thesis, each topic sentence in the middle, and the first sentence of the end.
2. The logical progression of these sentences should be an orderly thought process.
3. Make sure your thesis clearly and directly focuses your topic and states your position.
4. Make sure your stages are not three unrelated ideas but sequential steps in ONE discussion.
5. Make sure the last sentence of each middle paragraph DOES NOT bring up the topic of the next paragraph.
6. From beginning to end, your essay should be persuasive, not a summary of events or facts.
7. Make sure that each of your paragraphs is the same length.

Write a two-part title to catch attention and be informative

• Sitting in the Stands: Disappointment on Graduation Day
• Telling the Boss Off: How I Learned to Stand Up to a Tyrant
• Lower Test Scores: How No Child Left Behind Leaves Every Child Behind
• Turning Our Backs on Spirit: A Defense of Senior Class Disrespect
• Let them Fight to the End: An Alternative to "Humane" Capital Punishment
• Keep Them Off the Roads: How to Improve DUI Law Enforcement